You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
