one word: firstdatebathroomanal
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
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