So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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