She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Randomize
