after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
