And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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