Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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