Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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