My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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