lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
