I accidentally had phone sex last night
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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