I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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