Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
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Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
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woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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