last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
