forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Vodka?
Forever.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
