Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
