You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
