My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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