i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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