Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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