hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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