i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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