I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
