He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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