Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
