I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
