there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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