its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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