Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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