All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
