Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
This is my gift to your gina
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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