Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(217): View more from Illinois

My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.

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(586): View more from Michigan

A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women

Fav 3 1899 781
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(201): View more from New Jersey

In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7

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(240): View more from Maryland

I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.

Fav 17 1871 5489
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(203): View more from Connecticut

I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.

Fav 37 1682 5165
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(631): View more from New York

You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows

Fav 44 4893 3144
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(702): View more from Nevada

Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting

Fav 7 2231 1254
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(734): View more from Michigan

So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?

Fav 1 30 49
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(203): View more from Connecticut

You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups

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