watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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