apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
