I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
