I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
