Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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