yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
