I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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