The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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