I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
