We won't sleep together?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
