WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
