I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
