but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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