OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
