ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
