do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
