Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
