Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
