K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
