I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You can't special order awesome
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
