So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize