Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
