im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
