There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
