Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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