Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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