I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize