Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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