life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
