The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
