I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
