Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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