You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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