C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
